Accelerator Watch, Day 65

I thoroughly apologize to all of you who have been checking this page regularly for updates on the Accelerator, my new best friend, and part of the debutant homeless of Hoboken. Let’s start here: Did you know that the Accelerator got a haircut? And did you also know that I saw the Accelerator outside of MY apartment building picking through MY trash? Here’s a picture of what I looked like when I saw him:

Here’s a list of things I hoped he saw: (1) One of the crossword puzzles I had completed, so he’d know how smart I can be. (2) Some of the Taco Dip I made the other day, but couldn’t finish. (3) Cigarettes, even though I don’t smoke, but I know that the Accelerator loves cigarettes cause I was waiting by the bus the other day and I saw him searching the ground for something, then pick up a cigarette butt off the ground and light it, all in one motion.

I saw the Accelerator, and I immediately told my girlfriend to stop giving me long boring accounts of which of her friends are getting married. I told her to stand back and watch, because it appeared as if the accelerator was doing his taxes. Upon further review, he had gone around town and ripped down all of those things you post if you lose your dog, or give guitar lessons, or need a roommate, and decided to furiously peel through them.

Like I said, I took this picture while I was on a date with my girlfriend. While she wasn’t exactly thrilled, I was thrilled enough for the both of us, and I could tell that made her a little happy.

Bon Jovi Should Die in a Fire
Can someone please pull Bon Jovi aside and tell him he's a multi-millionaire and that he can stop making music now? Did you know that when the world gets in Jon Jovi's face, he says, "Have a nice day?" If I were him, when the 'world got in my face,' I'd say, "I have trillions of dollars, I've screwed ten thousand broads, and I have a sports franchise." See if you can tell which of the following is an actual poem by an actual third grader, or lyrics from his most recent album:

Sample A
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself not what other people say
When it seems like you're lost, alone and feeling down,
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

Sample B
Beauty is in you and everywhere
Beauty is my mother
Because she has diamond eyes
you can't be ugly
if you think you're beautiful

Send your answers to ChristopherTobin@yahoo.com.
Here's another gem from Jon Jovi: "I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot a gold!"
FUCK YOU JON JOVI.

I don't know why this picture says, "Michael J Loveland" on it, but it makes it just that much creepier.








Jon Jovi's lyrics earn him a place alongside Dhani Jones and Slylock Fox.