OH You Loveable Phillies

I love the Phillies. The only thing I love in sports more than the Phillies are the Phillie's announcers. I got an email from a dear friend recently telling me that the Phillies may not keep Scott Graham, who is the no-nonsense play-by-play guy and smoothest Phillies fan you'll ever meet. This sucks. Anyway, as I was reliving some of my favorite Scott Graham moments, (like how he laughs at all of LA's hilarious stories, even though he's heard them all at least three times a season for the last eight years, and how before each Phillies broadcast, the announcers would sit very very close to one another in the booth and Graham would fire off questions to them while they are all wearing matching hilarious hawaiian shirts with the Phillies logo on them) Anyway, as I was rooting around on the internet, I found these pictures:

The first one is Wheels, the second one is Graham, the third is LA, and the fourth is Harry the K. Fair enough. When I look at these pictures three things strike me: one, this picture was clearly taken at a Sears in South Jersey; two, Kalas has moved into the Hubie Brown Stratosphere of handsomeness; and three: it was clearly a group shot that they diced up to write individual profiles. However, a search of the entire internet has failed to return the picture as a whole. Obviously, it's my job to put the pieces together. Here's option one:

Not bad, I guess. I still can't get over that picture of Harry the K, though. Did he look at a series of photos, and then say, "yes, this is the one. That's the one I want on my profile." That would mean that there were pictures that looked worse. See if you can spot the subtle differences in my second attempt to reconstruct this legendary picture:

God I hate that Jon Jovi. Anyway, There are two differences. I've added three of the worst people on the planet, and Harry the K has been replaced by Burkey the K.

This may qualify as Phillies Blasphemy, but look at what 25 years of Phillies baseball has done to Harry the K! Time has not been kind to Harry. But this also has a great deal of relevance for me.

This means that in 25 years, I'm going to look like this:

The Bearded man has been Kalased! Just as a treat, here' s a look at the next 25 years of the Bearded Man's life, step by step:

If you would like to be kalasized, please send a headshot and $6 to ChristopherTobin@yahoo.com and his paypal account. I love the Phillies.